Apparently you make a good broom.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
