Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
