3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bring money and cleavage
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
