I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
