all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
