the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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