if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
