it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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