We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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