Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
