How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
