im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Enjoy the penises
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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