I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
God, I missed his penis.
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