he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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