my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
