and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
