you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
