he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
