And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
