You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
