I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
