Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
