I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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