you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
