Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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