I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
birth control should be required to get into college
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
