He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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