I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
