My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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