I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
