I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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