i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
