hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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