so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
