By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
