i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
