I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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