You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
