He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
