I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
