Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
