You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
