i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
