Screwed.edu
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
