We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
