did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
