I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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