he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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