Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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