you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
