i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
