No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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