My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
