So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
