Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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