i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
