will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
