Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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