Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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