She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh god it's open bar.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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