why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
