I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
