Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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