I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
