Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
