I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
