What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
