This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
