shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
